Thursday, 17 May 2012

Cute Kid Quotes


Natasha with her class// My favourite 5th grade class
Well today I'd shoved my hair up in a bun, and one of the students in my favourite class told me that I looked like a 'poo head'. Thinking that something must have got lost in translation I said, 'pardon?' and she said, very clearly, 'today your hair looks like poo...' my face must have dropped so she then added 'except poo is dirty and your hair is beautiful'...bit of a back handed compliment there. If it's a compliment at all.

That's not the only strange thing that's been said in my first couple of months of teaching, here are some of my favourites...

I walked into class and one of my 6th graders offered me a segment of her orange in her warm, sticky hand and instructed me to 'eat now', so I did as I was told, even though I thought it was really disgusting. Then I started the class...
Me: How're you today?'
Student: I am happy because I just ate my snake...
Me: trying not to freak out You ate a snake? Why did you eat a snake?
Student: blinks, looking a little confused because it was delicious. Teacher Madeline ate a snake too...' Me: About to tell her to hang on a minute and stop throwing these preposterous accusations about my eating habits around, I realised she was just saying the word 'snack' and was referring to the mildly warm orange I'd tried to swallow whole without chewing.

I'd set an exercise for one of my lower ability classes in my 5th grade and noticed that one of the boys wasn't doing anything apart from staring out of the window, so I asked him what was going on, he replie
Me: What's wrong? Why aren't you working.
Student: But Teacher it's too hard, my head will explode.
Me: I don't think it's actually going to explode, do you?
Student: Yes.

Me asking a 6th grade lower ablity student:
Me: How are you today?
Student: Terrible.
Me: That's awful, why are you terrible?
Student: Because of my father...
Me: What's wrong with your father?
Student: He's just sooooo fat.

Natasha trying to elicit to 3rd graders what the meaning of finally was:
Natasha: Does anyone know what the word finally means?
Student: Yes, it's like 'Finally, it's time to die'...

In a class where I was teaching the students about the pets that have lived at the White House:
Student: Teacher? Is this correct?
I look at the book where he's pointing to a sentence talking about Warren Harding's pet named Laddie Boy.
Student: He had a pet Lady Boy?
Me: Lolz

When a 6th grade student is lying on the desk after I have set them an exercise.
Me: Tina, what're you doing? Why aren't you working?
Student: (In super melodramatic voice, not bothering to lift her head off the table and her arms're hanging limply over the table) Teacher, I am so hungry I have nooo power.

When having my first class with 5th grade I did a powerpoint about me and my family, after showing them a picture of my sister...
Co-Teacher: Do you have any questions for Teacher Madeline?
Boy Student: Do you and your sister share the same spirit??
Me: Erm...no.

Natasha teaching animals and pets to 3rd graders:
Natasha: What's your favourite pet?
Student: My favourite pet is Teacher Natasha.

When asking students to list rules of the classroom:
Student: Do not gas because it will kill the teacher.
My (very prim and proper) coteacher: She means don't fart.

To a fifth grader:
Me: Did you have a good weekend? What did you do?
Student: Nothing.
Me: Nothing? You must have done something.
Student: All I did was eat, sleep and poo.

It's quite hard to keep a straight face with them most of the time! Also, here are some photos of the posters I had them design...